Ode to the Klambaker

Normally I wouldn't have posted this poem
I'd have been too mortified;
But your pending fatherhood and your blogging
have made me put aside my pride...

We decided it was time for the NYC McKennas
to become more than just two;
And next thing you know I’m peeing on a stick
and waking you up with big news.

Then the worry and stress and nausea begin,
not to mention expanding waistlines;
And we realize the life we have known these few years
is something we’re leaving behind.

So here we are at 23 weeks-
that’s almost 6 months along;
We know she’s a she and what her name will be—
unless those 2 technicians were wrong.

Chooch “Thumper” McKenna is coming in June,
and I don’t think that we have a clue;
But I still can’t wait to kiss her face,
and I can’t wait to see her with you.

You’ll make her rock mixes and play tunes on your guitars
(electric, acoustic and air);
You’ll take her for walks in the Baby Bjorn,
enjoying all the ladies’ stares.

You’ll learn to function without much sleep
and may even cut down on the beers;
And you’ll figure out how to calm her down
when its nothing but screaming and tears.

You’ll become a pro at the diaper change,
the late-night feeding, the bath;
You’ll learn when to take her off my hands
and when to stay clear of my path.

I imagine she’ll have you totally whipped
within just a few days if not hours;
Unlike her mom, for whom it took years
and all of my feminine powers.

But at least I've got the rhyming skills
for our Valentines day tradition
My guess is that posting it on the site
was not part of your vision.

But for all the shit you give me lately
about my creative maternity outfits
You deserve to get some too
for how often you check your blog hits.

Mostly though, I can't complain
you've been pretty much a doll
The emotions, the hunger, the heartburn
You've had to put up with it all.

In just a few months we'll celebrate
and I can finally drink some real wine;
But tonight you'll cook a meal for me
and be my valentine.

I'll fall asleep embarassingly early
after watching Friday Night Lights
Later you'll come to bed and we'll both sleep easy,
thanks to our trusty Breathe-Rights.

In conclusion, all that I wanted to say
to you on this occasion:
With you as her dad, our daughter will be
the luckiest little girl in Brooklyn.

xoxox